Where would I go?

self esteem

I guess it’s self explanatory already – from the title to the photo above, handwritten by yourstruly.

5:58 PM. Weather’s fine but not sunny for the whole day, which is actually fine for me. I love soon-to-rain or maybe-it-will-rain weather. It may be sad for others, but not for me. It’s not a yellow happy mood, but I feel comfort within that grayish look, calm cold winds blowing, raindrops falling a bit – it feels like staying at home, and home is comfort.

polaroid_rain and cloud.jpg

It, again, feels like I’m stuck here – just here. And I don’t know if I will ever move to a more meaningful happening in my life. I know it’s just now. Maybe I’ve just seen something, remembered a moment, thought of how successful others are now and maybe, all these maybes can all be part of everyone’s lives.

The doubts. And the fear.

doubts and fear

You know, sometimes not having a social media account is much better. We get insecure sometimes. We think we lost already – we think they won already. We may control what we can see there, but not always. We can avoid, but not always.

And from there, we tend to compare. We tend to think to much. And get ourselves feel low and ask too many questions to ourselves, until we feel that we, in all honesty, don’t have concrete answers to it…

Is this the right path? / Should I change my hobby? / Should I change my job? / Is it better to live there than here? / Should I start to go on a diet or go to the gym too? / Should i drop this out and enroll to another course? / Should I get married now?

And the fear of missing out, wasting time, falling apart eats up our minds and that’s where we think and we lose sometimes – by just thinking. Because we thought, that “that’s it! I’m done, I can’t be the person I want to be.” But we have to realize and try to wake ourselves up that there are words that may continue it:

…yet, …but.

The Clarity.

I might not see it now, I might get over this phase every now and then but I know there will come a time for me that I’ll know that “this is it, I am in the right path, I am supposed to be here”.

I sometimes wish I would know when will that happen but life is full of good surprises, maybe I just have to have Faith in Him and wait for His signal and guidance, because I know with Him, everything is possible and He will always guide me to where I should go.



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