M2B

I would be lying if I say I write this without having any thoughts about it anymore – of course I do, there’s still a residue. As a first timer for a real heartbreak, I know it won’t be easy but the hope of seeing the light at the end of the tunnel – I know it would be worth it.

Meant to be.

My mother and I were talking a while ago about how my father would react and tell her (or somehow push her) to do things that he can already do. It’s not that he doesn’t have any amore to her, of course he does love her, it is just how his personality really is. It’s like he doesn’t want to stress himself anymore on simple things that other people can do already aside from him. My family knows about it, and we accept it because it is what makes him him and we know that he carries a lot inside of him being the eldest son and a bread-winner on his family ever since his father passed away for too long already.

He is my father, and he is strong.

My mother, on the other hand, would still do what my father asks her to do besides the fact that she knows he can do it already by himself – out of concern not to add to his stress anymore and out of love as well. Sometimes, she gets irritated and upset on why would she need to be the one doing things that my father can do already. But she’s been so understanding and patient about everything, even though we know that she also carries something inside of her, she just won’t tell it and stress everyone else especially that she mostly misses her mother, which would take us about 8-9 hours ride just to see her.

She is my mother, and she is strong.

And the conversation got into a more deep scenarios and realizations, but this time including both of their parents – my grandparents.

On my father’s side, I didn’t had the chance to see my grandfather anymore – he left us long before I was even here. My grandmother (my father’s mother) is still with us and we get to see her as often as many times we could visit. She’s living with my tita’s and uncle who has a cerebral palsy, and they are just one jeepney ride away from where we live. Sometimes they are our neighbor for they have their original house beside ours.

On my mother’s side, I witnessed my lolo and lola’s love and support to each other but as we live life, we sometimes have to leave them and that’s what happened to lolo. Though to be honest, I really think that it is really his time and it is God’s will for him to leave this earth already for he already lived this life according to God’s purpose for him. He has touched lives of different people including us – his family and I think it is a fulfillment already. And besides, I don’t think he will be forgotten by those people he helped while living on this earth. Anyway, my lola (who is my ka-birthday) is still here with us and we as her family, is doing our best to be with her and to make her happy – though I also know, with her love for God, she will always be contented already and live the life God intended for her.

Meant to be.

I don’t know if this is true, or if there are any medical records for it but, in my observations for the past few years given the everyday lives I am sharing with them – they are all meant to be for each other.

Why? How did I say so? How did I come up with those conclusions? Who am I to say that anyway?! (lol, I’m quite exaggerating myself and having a little laugh on my head while typing this last question)

Well, to answer that simply, I am their daughter and granddaughter. And just like what I have said earlier, with the everyday lives I share with them, I can see scenarios, the actions and efforts they’re are exerting for each other, the patience and understanding they are giving for each other and it’s there. Its just there and they are coping no matter what, because they are meant to be.

My grandmother from my father side, as I am witnessing, is too dependent on the people around her and my mother when usually tells us stories about our late grandfather, she would always say that he is very understanding and patient and always there for my grandmother whenever she needed him. And so I have to conclude that she is dependent to my grandfather way back then and now that he is gone, she just can’t help it, because she is too, dependent on the people around her now. Though this looks like a negative attitude but this is her. That’s what makes her who she is and I respect that.

On the other hand, my grandmother from my mother’s side, as I have observed and also, stories from my mother when they were still little, my grand mother was very decisive and has a stand on what she says. She is brave actually, but she is mostly nervous. She is sometimes anxious about nothing (which somehow I think I got some genes from her in this case). And my lolo, he is cool. And when I say cool, I mean cool like calm and relaxed. Like he is not really aggressive in making decisions, he thinks clearly about it first.

Unlike my lolo on my mother’s side, my father is not that relaxed and calm and usually, he lets my mother decide on things – well, most things. He is sort of, I would say gets nervous and always alert that eventually turns to worries. My mother is like my lolo, calm and stops and think before deciding. She can handle it, though she never bypassed my father when it comes to important decision because, a father will always be the head of the family.

As what I have written above, all are the opposite of each other but  behind these opposites, they found love on each other’s arms – they  stay committed to each other. And I think they are meant to be. The other one is dependent and there, he is someone who she can really  depend on. The other one is nervous and indecisive, and yet, his/her partner is his/her opposite and can bring him/her up in times when  he/she needs to.

Though as what I have heard for most people who come and go into relationships, divorced and married, they all share same thoughts about the attitude of your partner – you will only really know someone when you get to live with them. And still behind it all, you have the choice to go and escape or stay and be committed to them for God’s plan on your life. And these people in my life, choose to stay no matter what and yes, I know it is meant to be.

Meant to be.

And I think, we are not really meant to be. Yes, we were opposites, he is cool and I am the nervous one. Sometimes he can handle me and sometimes he don’t. Sometimes I can understand him and sometimes I don’t. But change is inevitable. And sometimes the younger we are, the more we are capable of changing and finding the right everything in our lives.

It might be at first, and it could have been if we stayed together and keep the fire burning up – but int he end, it didn’t, he didn’t. We just didn’t. It didn’t worked out especially when only one person is willing to fight. It can never be done.

They say It takes two to tango, and they are so right. You can never save something by yourself if it is  meant to be saved and worked on by two people. Relationships are meant to be for two. And I believe God has better plan in my life.

And yes, I am meant for something and somebody else.

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celestialamvdg

Ragazza. Ho Ventitre anni. Photographs, music, written words. Philippians 4:6-7

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